Learning new ways to express myself

Well here I am

I procrastinated over whether or not to start a blog as another form of self  expression, here I am giving this a shot for the experience and seeing where it goes, I needed a place to express my views and beliefs on life and also to help express parts of my deep thinking pen to

opaper is good but sharing it with the world can make a difference in the smallest way so here I go embarking on this new project of self expression 

#life #deepthinking #awareness #sharing

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HAVE I LET SOCIAL MEDIA DEFINE ME AND NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

As I sat in deep discussion with an amazing good friend about my upcoming holiday to Singapore.

As my friend and I touched on the subject of my younger days, when I was in my mid 20’s and used to do spontaneous journeys on MY OWN with no fear of loneliness, I remember booking bus tickets to head south and see old friends for a few days and never came home with the blues or be depressed, a trip to the goldcoast I did once, by myself, I went, saw an conquered with no anxiety, depression or loneliness I just went.

I also lived with no fear of lonelinessor having no friends I lived fearlessly, depression was never present in my life nor was anxiety until recent years.

I reflected on the correlation of my time back then and the presence of social media in my life which was close to nil and to now where its infront of me every day and has been for the last 3-4 years.

It prompted the question, have I really let social media heavily influence me in all the wrong ways, have I let it define my position in life and not me define its position in my life or its priority.

This is an exciting time in my life as its prompted me to shift focus and look at where I’m headed.

What is a relationship anymore?

We have so many labels of negativity its hard to know where you stand.

Ones emotional availability is another’s definition of neediness and dependency, we don’t even know where we stand emotionally in this world anymore.

We’re constantly issuing out articles with warning signs like driving through a section of roadworks with a million traffic signs.

Looking for constant signs of narcissism, selfishness, toxicity and other behaviors all based on what? You just have to type in foundations of a toxic relationship on google and you come up with many other definitions of so called bad relationships

Toxic, poisonous & hazardous just to highlight some of the prominently sighted ones, it’s almost like we’ve written a Bible on the worst of life

A starving inner child

Ever wondered why, you get mad when you dont get your way? Or get sad when your friends are too busy to hang out with you?

Its probably your inner child much like mine starving for connection that we’ve never had or felt, our emotional and social needs may have never been met or fulfilled as a child.

So we dont truly know what its like to have solid loving friendships or relationships, we’ve experienced so many goings in our life that our connection is like a damaged power lead constantly binded again and again everytime we break until we become so fragile that we just stop functioning and our wires once interconnected are all disconnected with no energy moving through.

We become so starved of all this that we become a desperate child trying to steal a loaf of bread just to eat, only to destroy ourselves in the process internally from gorging rather than slowly but surely savouring each bite, as we’ve never known what its like to develop a connection so anything that comes our way we eat it up and then wonder once again why we’re starving, hurting and depressed.

Yes connection can start from within but how do you make a connection when theres never been one it’s like installing lights in a house with no mains power, you can flick every switch but nothing ever powers up.

This has been me and anyone else who’s experiencing this or has I ask you be kind to your inner child, their hurting and angry.

You can’t just tell a chronic over thinker to stop over thinking

As easy as it seems telling an over thinker to stop over thinking just doesn’t work like that.

We can’t just always flick a switch and turn it off per say, theres a set of reasons and programming of the mind that has lead us to be over thinkers.

Some of us don’t like it so it can be a constant battle to break the cycle, thought patterns and stories in our head that have lead to us being the over thinkers we are, I for one am in this battle to break the patterns as its costed me potentially numerous good opportunities, tested friendships, potential relationships And myself the most.

As its not just the over thinking that happens, it triggers your anxiety and in my case depression can weigh in as well, one in extreme cases can often lash out, become agitated and irrational as I’ve personally experienced.

Im not saying over thinking excuses these behaviours but its some of the traits that come with it that not many understand and just assume that the person is angry, crazy, weird or whatever other label one can fit in and its by no means that persons fault either if they dont understand the behavioural traits of an over thinker.

We can change the tune of our behaviour it just takes time, like anything else, its never as easy as flicking a switch in the end, if it was we would all be able to do it.

Gender Equality Is A Long Way Off(My Perspective)

We will never truly have equality for both genders,

As I scroll through social media posts its quite prevelant that, each gender is playing the victim through statistics and consistently using those statistics to justify who’s the worse off or most worst acting gender.

When you spend half your time, playing the victim by comparing your circumstances being worse than others by gender, you are completely destroying any sort of progress when it comes to fighting for equality on both sides.

Domestic violence is an ugly and nonessential part of society but its still quite prevelant across both male to female and female to male, but once again each gender rightfully in their plight is using statistics to compare their victimhood its almost like a competition between who’s the biggest victim sadly, when overall the truth be it, domestic violence statistics combined overall from any region of the world, will show you that domestic violence in the bigger picture is quite high regardless of the victims gender.

Same goes for other gender related crimes likes sexual assault and rape which is another ugly side of society as well, yes Female on male sexual assaults may not be as prevelant in the media but it doesn’t mean that, its not happening, combine the statistics and media articles and I guarantee that sexual assaults on both genders overall are high regardless of the gender.

We need to stop this gender discrimination and victim hood bullshit and work together to solve these overall equality problems.

We were all brought into the same world, no gender has ever been labelled superior as far as I’m aware and any woman can do a mans job as any man can do a woman’s job.

Choices and responsibility

Choices, we make them everyday some vital, some simple and some purely nonsensical but none the less choices, sometimes these choices carry no burden, no consequences or even no benefit to our growth.

But these critical choices we make, emotional choices, driven by self worth, life an career values, financial circumstances or relationships.

This stems from a recent experience I had, person A and Me, met through an online dating app, we had been chatting, I got to learn her situation was a little bit more complex and that she was going through a healing phase of life after some shitty experiences and then followed by another one locally.

In my typical over thinking fashion one day I texted her asking “Am I annoying you” yes this was an over thinking Andrew moment and I explained why and I was open and honest.

We had a phone conversation about all this, to which I apologised took accountability for my actions admitted it was a result of over thinking from my end.

As the conversation went on I admitted I have issues to work through this was one of them, the conversation kept going about how I made her feel backed into a corner and she has taken on my burden.

I stopped and thought for a moment and said I didn’t ask you to carry my burdens I never asked you to back yourself into a corner, I felt as if she was deflecting her choices and actions onto me, I can understand how one would feel like that, but I swiftly replied with I never asked you to make those choices carry “my burdens” or “back yourself into a corner”

My burdens are mine as are my flaws and I have no expectation of anyone to Carry them whatsoever or anyone to heal me.

Please people don’t throw the consequences of your decisions and choices on someone else, you made a choice, you knew what choice you made it wasn’t the other person that made that choice for you, take some responsibility please, we’re not perfect but we can be mindful.