As of recent I’ve learned a lot about myself through reading a simple book written by the dalai lama himself.
I’ve been realising more and more my actions and attitudes towards friendships are stemming from envy, I have been trying to get to the root cause of this and alot of It has come down to my years as a kid where I never really had a close friend through my schooling years, I’ve never let go of it as an adult if anything I’ve attempted to surpress it but the minute I allow someone close to me in friendship terms it starts all over again.
The envy the why not me the frustrations of not feeling important all these negative emotions of life that consume how do I react? I push them away or sabotage it in hope they don’t come closer or keep a distance.
I’m starting to realise all this envious behavior towards life is going to be my undoing then I will be truly lonely with life as my behaviors have lead me to do this.
How do I work through this behavior I’m fighting hard to change my perspective and attitudes towards this aspect of life hopefully one day I will be free and not living this.
Peace love light