I’ve been caught up in trying to get to the root of my behavior especially when it comes to seeking approval or appraisal for my efforts.
I know the problems there and far from being healed I’ve been doing some self talk today trying to figure out the root cause where it all started, heaven forbid I can afford counselling for it at the moment.
I used to get strong feelings of inadequacy if appreciation was never shown for my efforts be it work or life and it would spiral out of control into a storm of frustration or depressive behavior, it’s not as bad in present day as it was 3 years ago.
I have taken on many experiences and personality changes all because I wanted to fit in somewhere with a circle and when I didnt fit in I was once again feeling on the outer and inadequate alone and depressed, I have tried to break these habits and practice more self acceptance in order to do that I sometimes feel I need to run away from human interaction as it feels like I’m falling back into old habits putting on a facade so to speak.
This journey is not over for me well this part of it I still feel lost with who I am and where I fit in with this world as we know it today.
I will hopefully get to the root cause of all this and start to truly heal from it
Peace love light