Wow have had a wake up call in the last few days about my emotions and feelings and how I’ve managed them, in all honesty it wasn’t until someone pointed it out that all along I didn’t realise I was the one with the wall up without windows and doors.
For sometime I’ve been preaching to others about allowing windows and doors on their wall if they build one in life when really my preaching was simply a reflection of what I wasn’t doing.
I’ve really held back on certain emotions and expressing certain feelings out of fear of losing something or a part of me that I have grown in the last few months, when I reflect back on it in a way I have been pretty emotionless for someone who helps empower and motivate others to get through life.
Sometimes I’ve felt no emotion or feeling at all, I’m preaching love but not feeling it I’m giving love but not feeling it, a lot of the time I provide and receive great insight into this world along with trying to put a philosophical outlook on my experiences.
I’ve been masking my fear of feeling or showing emotions behind a mask of wisdom, philosophy and insight, I feared to face them but rather suppressed them through helping others in hope it would go away.
I fear I will go back to an old state of anxiety and depression if I expressed my feelings and emotions I feared the hurt would send me spiralling downwards in a fit of self pitty and bashing on myself I don’t want to go back there I fear that place in my life I have come so far.