Right now tonight has been a bit of a rollercoaster, I have been sitting with the feelings of Loneliness, depression and frustration all in the one night.
I have felt the need to cut myself off from this world for now as I sit through all these feelings, as I scroll through social media aka Facebook and see my son, my mum and my sons mum having a good time on their holiday, I can’t help but feel like I’ve missed out, the thoughts all start racing through my head.
- I won’t be able to beat an overseas holiday when school holidays come
- Why is it like this
- Why should I even bother.
All the self doubting thoughts have come in to play leaving me more uncomfortable and not even the self talk telling myself it will soon pass has slightly alleviated any feeling of self doubt, loneliness and frustration.
I feel I need to be a long way from this world I feel noone gets me or will understand what is going on inside me and it feels like people say they care when in fact they get so busy with life they all become nothing but a few words in a fleeting moment.
I feel its easier to become a recluse of the world than poke your head out sometimes.