Well no word of a lie today was abad day, it started with me having an agitated state of mind being agitated at myself for making a decision whilat also knowing that I needed to take ownership for that decision but I just got increasingly agitated.
The graph represents what my day has looked like, most of it because of My own doing, I carried a lot of anger, frustration, annoyance inside me and unfortunately I couldn’t get it under control it just took the words of one person “your pathetic” to send me into an angry rage causing me to let rip on them not knowing they had bigger issues going on.
Attempting to take ownership for it amidst the fire just made it worse m, the apologies just made it worse as then guilt for my actions were thrown into the mix, I went from a few days of riding a High to crashing like a bird out of the sky thudding into the ground, frustrated with not being able to fly.
I haven’t had a bad day like this in yonks and sadly people became collateral damage as a result of that, how do you even handle that bad day especially when collateral damage has been done and you just feel like its easier to hide away from the world, the joys of reaching out through social media certainly has its cons especially when your in abad frame of mind.
A friend told me I should start with saying sorry to myself, where does begin to say sorry to themselves when they struggle to muster up a respectable genuine apology to a friend, I also started questioning my self worth as I felt I’m only ever good enough to be the person of advice even though I knew that wasn’t true I was battling this story in my head all day as well coupled with the anger and guilt I was one big fucken mess.
I may be carrying on but this is just me trying to make sense of it all but in a nonsensical manner.