Loneliness; The Demon Within

Someone told me the other day its an excuse that’s in the way of my happiness.

In part that may be true, not going to disagree here, but as I lay here at 130am with a head fogged like a winters morning, to me it’s a reality it’s one of the biggest demons I have battled daily.

Every now and then something comes good and I’m fine I feel like I can tackle the world, then a simple act as coming home from work like a tonne of other people do, can trigger that demon and then I’m back to square one, battling this demon, entering into a depressive, frustrated and sometimes angry questionable state of mind.

What is loneliness to me, its like being that puppy dog in the window of a pet store, waiting to be bought, you get all excited when someone shows interest in you, wagging your tail and pouncing around the pen, that’s me when someone new comes into my life I get all excited because their showing interest in me so I wag my proverbial tail in excitement until I realise their just passing by to admire the view and leave.

Loneliness is living a life in anticipation of the next time you won’t be lonely, it’s a demon to me I fight more regularly than most, this is by no means knocking any current friendships I have but in a way it is as I also crave a particular type of company one with in depth and deep side to it and not just the awkward silences or same old idle chatter.

I could go on for hours about this but this is what it is too me, my blogs and vblogs ooze loneliness

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12 thoughts on “Loneliness; The Demon Within

  1. I find it fascinating how you describe such a complex and ever present emotion as loneliness in such a clear way and in a short compact form. I have tried several times to articulate my life and circumstances and how I feel in my ABOUT ME and I have changed it several times. It takes me forever to write every single blog. Really well done for articulating yourself so well. I think I understand what you mean. You crave deep connections rather than friendships with people that are perhaps not like minded. You’re not as alone in that circumstance as you think aha. Hang in there x

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    1. Thank you for your response, its not easy trying to describe ourselves as there’s usually some truths we don’t want to bring to the surface and because we’re in a day and age we’re we seek out others in which to do it for us, leaving never having found a deeper meaning to ourselves

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      1. Since you explained yours so well I will try to explain mine as well. Mine is like being in a white room where sound doesn’t register so you cannot hear any. It’s completely white and bare. I’m trying to scream, make noise, appear to someone. There’s the same people in there with me all the time. I make noise and they can’t hear me. Moreover they have their backs turned to me. It’s very frustrating and I feel restricted around want to move away from them (physically and mentally) but I am bound to a chair and can’t even get up. It’s like I’m stuck in this place I don’t like, around people that don’t get me, and I want to find the people that do and to get married, have like minded best-friends etc..but of course it’s something that isn’t going to be easy and will take time. I have made TONS of progress though and slowly beginning to think clearly.
        Right now my finances are not the best so I need to get a job so I can save and move somewhere I like. I am currently in supported housing my own flat and receive some mental health support. Have you been diagnosed with mental health difficulties? People with deep minds like us unfortunately tend to develop mental health illness

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      2. Terribly Sorry I forgot to reply, that’s how life feels for me sometimes, even though my finances are reasonable, I have a good job, I’ve stopped asking much of anyone, lost my expectations of anything, but still find myself lost and confused as to what I’m doing wrong, I’ve been forcing myself lately to take myself out on dates etc, even that carries a degree of pain as when I’m in public surrounded by others in groups and couples the demon comes flooding back, loneliness is one of the biggest demons I am battling with, some days or weeks it’s nonexistent then other days or weeks it lingers around and its a power struggle but sometimes I ask myself wouldn’t it just be easier to give into this demon and love it.

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      3. Wow! I had no idea. Nevertheless it’s great to hear back from you though…thought i’d scared you off or something. Sounds like you have a lot on. x

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      4. Yeh and no I went to check out your blog page but it says you’ve deleted it is there a way we could keep in touch as it seems we’re on a similar journey and I would really like to keep in touch with you if that’s okay

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      5. I understand x Yeah am not too bad thanks. Are you on any social media? Perhaps we can chat more on there as they have instant messaging services? I have instagram, twitter, facebook . Take your pick =P It’s entirely up to you though. I don’t think wordpress has instant messaging facilities

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      6. I sent you a request! I’m “Openmindedsocialobserver” on instagram haha. x Always with the long usernames =P

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      7. I was waiting for a response but guess i’m not getting one..lol. Hope you’re Ok anyway

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