Someone’s caring

Some truth here, as I see people complaining about excessive calling and texting just stop and see the appreciation and beauty in that shit don’t whinge about it because you will be whinging when noone cares and your in need of help and noone answers your call.

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LONELINESS: BUSY PEOPLE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND

I’ve been dealing with loneliness for quite some time now, this journey has shown me a lot and had me experience both the good and bad side to it though I have gained insight from it through speaking to others about my loneliness and the one thing I notice is we are always busy, in need of distraction or just can’t sit with it.

BUSY PEOPLE FEAR LONELINESS

busy people will always fear loneliness, they always have to do something, be somewhere or craving something, they fear sitting with their loneliness and just experiencing because it may challenge them to learn something about themselves in the silence of the mind and presence of the moment, thats why they will never truly see the truthful beauty in loneliness both the good and bad of it.

WHY LONELY PEOPLE UNDERSTAND

They’ve sat with their loneliness so much, questioned themselves, stopped and just been noone going nowhere, they also experience the lows of loneliness the depression,social isolation and anxiety as well, so they know what it all feels like and can empathise and sympathize with those struggling with loneliness.

Its okay not to understand loneliness but dont fear it as sitting with yourself is one of the greatest accomplishments a person can attain, experience the highs and lows as they all are trying to teach us something we just have to silence a busy mind to see the beauty in it all.

Stop beating yourself up

The last few days I’ve visited a very dark place where I met an old foe called loneliness which is accompanied by his cronies anxiety and depression.

I have spent those few days beating myself up in every way possible, calling myself names such as worthless, useless and unworthy, I spent 2 hours on a train ride and bus, with these constant thoughts and anyone who dared tried to reach out was pushed back.

I really did a number on myself I will say if anything it was the Muhammad Ali of self beat ups, it achieved nothing though I now realise, it just kept me down on the mat so I could keep rubbing salt into the wounds and slap away any hands that tried pulling me up.

I’m pretty stubborn sometimes when it comes to being helped up, I often try to find the light myself or just wait until it comes, as I know it can’t be forced.

We need to stop beating ourselves up for everything that happens in life and yes as my dad would say  “thats the pot calling the kettle black Andrew”

But it’s true it’s achieved absolutely nothing for me these last few days,  besides encourage more sabotaging behavior, pushing people away and less self love and forgiveness.

We’re not perfect were perfectly imperfect and once we see that we understand that hurting ourselves isn’t hurting anyone but us, if you do beat yourself up be sure to give yourself love kindness compassion and forgiveness.

Feeling worthless

Do you know what its like to feel worthless? Feeling like your unworthy of anyone’s time anyone’s care anyone’s love anyone’s attention to feel you have utterly no value to this world?  Thats what I’m feeling like right now.

Feeling like I’m not deserved of love or anything good no matter what I try in life I feel I have no value.

I feel the very core of me is gone I feel like I want to retreat from this world as I have nothing to offer it I went from this once confident person to this now empty worthless feeling vessel 

I know I’m hurting myself but I can’t see the light I wish I could but I can’t 

just like a tin can being kicked along a road that is the value I feel and see within myself 

Dating: What we want vs what we get vs what we do

As I immerse myself in the dating world and try to once again find my way I also have a keen eye for human observation and behavior as well, I often scroll through my regular dating app just reading the profiles rarely do I send a message to someone and if I do its only because they’ve really caught my attention not by what but by whom they are.

COMMUNICATION IN DATING

We all want honesty, trust and openness as they are the core of communication in life, but what happens when we get it? I see alot  of different reactions one that really caught my attention,  is apparently there’s such a thing as excessive communication, hmmm excessive communication?? I find it hard to believe there is such a thing to be honest, but the same people whom complain one may be excessive in their communication i.e. texting or missed phone calls, fail to see the truth in it and what their receiving is the exact thing they asked for Honesty, Openness and trust and now their freaked out by it, ladies and gentleman you cannot have your communication cake and eat it either, see the truth in whats being presented to you as what you put out is what you get in return from life.

WANT WANT WANT WANT

Alot of profiles not all  I tend to see on the dating app I use carry a common denominator the word WANT used in front of everything especially in the way they Want to be treated or what they Want in another person, the more you want the less you get I’m learning, , why not just give give give how about trying to have what you can give to a life rather than what you want from another one.

LOSE YOUR EXPECTATIONS

Have none of these, because as I’m learning it gets you nowhere, ladies don’t expect your prince charming to have a six pack and perfect body along with the personality you so as desire , don’t expect to find your bad boy on a dating site, don’t expect to have honest communications, don’t expect communications at all,  don’t expect anything from anyone on these dating sites as it will kill you on the inside.

 

 

Core values what are they?

I got asked a question the other day that actually stumbled me too be honest as I really didn’t have a true answer too I said what I believed were my core values but afterwards I didn’t feel they were.

I’ve never been asked this question nor have I ever asked myself this during this journey I’m on, its prompted some intermittent and sporadic  deep thinking phases.

I’ve really just winged it too this point and let whatever be just be not saying I haven’t put the questions on myself if anything I can be an excessively introspective, which isn’t always a great thing lol.

From what I thought I knew  was that core values are based around business/corporate practices hence I am a tad stumped to be honest as its not something I thought just a person could develop either.

Hopefully this introspective introvert finds what His core values are as much as he finds his self belief lol.

She’s that woman 

Just that one woman

That has impacted my life in such a way I dont think I will ever experience that again.

She took away my anxiety, doubts, fears and insecurities on many levels, I never questioned her always trusted her , never felt I wasn’t good enough as she made me feel like I was enough, I could express my heart and forget my head.

She made me feel like a man, she made me feel happy.

When we parted ways, I couldn’t be angry with her I could never have an angry bone in my body towards her I could never speak an angry word towards or about her.

My heart yearned for her presence once more it shed tears for her when she wasn’t there and endured pain never felt before by this mans heart.

As I type this tears gently stream down my face as this is the impact her presence even when not present.

She was the woman to bring calm to my storm.