A year ago

Just sitting here reflecting and its amazing how far I have come in a year a year ago I was

  • Chasing empty relationships
  • Fearing loneliness
  • Negatively thinking
  • Doubtful
  • Selfish 
  • Trying to connect with others rather than myself.
  • Living in the past and future
  • Blaming others for my behavior
  • Impatient

A year later I am

  • Seeing life in a different way
  • Discovering myself and my purpose
  • Understanding another’s pain 
  • Enjoying my own company
  • Not fearing loneliness but rather embracing it as a sign of the universe
  • Living presently 
  • Taking more ownership for my actions, feelings and emotions.
  • More patient

I believe I haven’t changed or improved just evolved past the behaviors I was once conditioned with, I feel I am more mindful of my feelings, I have unlocked and resurfaced old suppressed behaviors and learning to grow through them and take ownership.

We can grow theres no limitation to how much our mind can grow, we can build and rewire new and old connections, unlock parts of our brain that lay dormant since birth, it takes a click a want and patience.

My Contemplation of suicide

I recently read a post that has just activated something so deep in me that I felt the need to share as I never shared it with anyone not even my psychologist

I’ve been on a journey with depression and anxiety and around mid last year I took a short trip out of town to visit a new friend.

Things went a little south and I didn’t have my comfort to retreat to the gym or work to help me get through this, I was reaching out to friends via social media, but wasn’t being completely honest about my thoughts aside the fact I was going through a dark patch.

Within this dark patch a long way from home I was contemplating suicide I knew and saw a bridge in town and kept thinking how easy it would’ve  been just to end this darkness and jump off it.

It felt like a lonely place I was in and no matter what I did, I just wanted to cry or end the darkness I was in as I couldn’t see light and all I kept thinking about was perhaps jumping off that bridge would end it all.

I’m glad that day I had a resilient part of me activated even though I was dominated by utter darkness and to the friend on social media who listened to me I would like to thank you even though I cannot remember who you are, but your chatter kept me from doing something I was believing I should’ve done.

Your not alone in this world

The world maybe dark but know there will be light

Contemplation of suicide is a strong feeling and is often where it all begins to end or ends to begin

DON’T FEEL YOU CAN’T TALK ABOUT IT

Don’t surrender 

I see it often and have done it myself because of a bad experience, we’ve either been.

  • Betrayed
  • Dumped
  • Used
  • Heart broken etc

And what happens when we experience this is it can instantly turn our way of thinking/belief system into a negative state and you quite often hear or say these remarks.

  • That will be the last time I help someone , I’m never going to care again or
  • I’m never going to love again
  • Everyone’s the same 
  • I’m not allowing anyone to get close to me etc

I can tell you right now from what life has recently taught me, that when you stop caring or loving or trusting because of one or a few bad experiences you are

  • Surrendering your power to the people that did wrong
  • Your giving power to those that did you wrong
  • Not doing anything to help you 
  • Suppressing the feelings
  • Passing blame to someone else for something you have entire ownership over 

Because everything you have is within you and you have ownership  of everything inside you, noone can be to blame for you losing that or stopping that  

Because you have

  • Love in you
  • Trust in you
  • Compassion 
  • Forgiveness
  • Happiness
  • Kindness

Noone can take these or prevent you from always using them, you just have to exercise forgiveness for your sake and not theirs rather than blame blame blame them for you not wanting to be a caring, loving or kind person anymore.

You are non refundable


@Regrann from @takingajourney83 – You don’t have to buy it or buy into or acquire it as its all inside you already it just needs a key turn to unlock it, you don’t have to absorb and believe everything you hear is the answer or that key to unlock, but just know everything is inside and can’t be bought, sold or even refunded as it was given to you as a gift.

Everything you want

EVERYTHINF WE WANT AND NEED IN LIFE IS INSIDE US ALL

Love, Wealth, Happiness, Compassion, forgiveness and belief are all apart of our very core.

Its all apart of our very core,don’t go seeking out there for who you should be inside, as it’s not  there.

We have been conditioned over time to believe the answers we need lie in the world out there, so we listen and believe the voices and the knowledge telling us who we should be, and what we will never be.

We don’t realise the only voice that we need is that of our own, our core is subject to change and growth, we can break negative patterns, beliefs, behaviours and etc, by looking deep within.

Finding connection with our inner being, once we connect there we can grow and become our true self what earth and the universe intended us to live for.

This all takes time patience and work and the willingness to want to connect with ourselves beyond the physical realm.

Think of it this way

Your minds a computer and as a computer is capable of reprogramming so are you without the replacement of any hardware.


Ownership of your mental health 

I cannot preach this enough as its so integral to rebuilding our mental health when we first realise we have a problem, everyone fears the medication.

  1. Learn about your medication like I did so you know what it does
  2. don’t stress about the side effects as only one or two may happen
  3. Know that if it doesnt work for you that your GP can help find a suitable one
  4. Know that the medication helps restore the chemical imbalances in our brain thats contributing to our mental health state.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

Stop worrying about what everyone is going to think stop worrying about what your family is going to think
Its not about them its about you doing what is right for you and your son
And if they don’t understand thats fine noone does who hasn’t experienced it

Stop putting shame on yourself for having mental health issues and coming forward to fix it the only person that is going to think your crazy is you as thats the thought and belief you ultimately create in your head noone else not your family not your friends not me just you.

You have full ownership of your thoughts and beliefs having depression and anxiety isn’t going crazy, its called having a life experience which has changed the way our brain works and what the medication does is help play an integral part in reorganising that.

So stop worrying about what anyone else is going to say.