So I saw an Interesting post on my Facebook news feed this Morning that triggered some inspiration deep inside me and its about our personal value and self worth even after we’ve been broken and damaged and torn down.
Just imagine a $5 note untouched, uncrumpled just neatly flat in its appearance its been passed through hands and Still retains its true value and purpose in this world to those it encounters no value or worth lost.
Then one day it passes into the hands of a careless owner, who shoves it in their pocket, crumples it, folds it, pulls it out shoves it in a dark corner of their wallet or a jar for that matter, yes that note has been physically damaged
IT’S STILL A $5 NOTE AND IT STILL HAS ITS VALUE AND WORTH TO HELP THOSE WHOS HANDS IT PASSES THROUGH.
It will always retain its true value and purpose to this world no matter what until it no longer exists.
So as a human being no matter what happens to you, just remember you still have value, worth and purpose to give to this world, to help others, to help yourself, you may have been broken, folded or crumbled but your worth is always going to be there.
See the beauty beyond the surface damage and look deep down for that true beauty and see your value is infinite like that $5 dollar bill.
I see it more and more these days and have learned from a Buddhist teacher that one of our biggest causes of suffering in today’s world comes from expectations of any kinds, I used to and sometimes still do have them to an extent, we often go through phases I believe.
- Having all expectations to
- Having “realistic” expectations then if we’ve learned or then
- Limited expectations
All these above sadly still leave us with some degree of suffering through disappointment as we become clouded with negative emotions which then project as thoughts and energy and if It gets to a bad point we often become either verbally aggressive or pessimistic.
I used to have massive expectations of the dating scene until I recently thought fuck it no expectations Andrew just no expectations take what comes, project the good energy of understanding through compassion and empathy.
I see a lot of fellow souls holding their fellow souls or the opposite sex with high expectations on a lot of levels, even we as parents can often do it too our children without realising it as we often try and live a deflected reflection of our child hood, this can often cause our children to rebel against us in order to want to live freely rather than down a forced path because we the parent have expectations our kid should live this way and that way and this can cause Soo many relationship breakdowns as well.
But then I believe there’s a positive side to expectations as well, expecting our kids to not go down the path we did can be seen as joyous but also can still cause ourselves suffering due to attachment of our past sadly.
The best expectations to have in life is no expectations you will find less suffering and more happiness, just think a river doesn’t have expectations of the direction it will travel it just goes wherever its taken rough or calm and navigates it until its new path comes forth.
Before I embarked on my journey of self connection I lacked two major things inside me SELF LOVE & SELF BELIEF.
I’ve never had much of these as a kid I was average in school and sports wasn’t a high achiever, I lacked confidence and self belief and took that with me into adult hood.
Its not until recently I realised that I needed to believe and love me as noone else will until I do, I know of self love but never knew how to practice it, until I came across a self compassion video by a Dr Kristin neff see link below
self compassion – dr kristin neff
This video was the ultimate catalyst and gave me a method of providing self love in a way I knew how, in essence the same I help guide and coach people, so I took to it I began by identifying three qualities that others close to me saw in me.
Once I knew those three qualities I had to find a time in which to do it and there was no better way of carrying out this act of self love than in a hot shower after a long evening at work.
I will usually speak to myself in the third person or as if I was talking to a friend I was helping and started with my self love affirmation
My self love affirmation
Andrew dude I love you so much you are a beautiful soul and don’t forget that, also Andrew remember you are a kind, beautiful intelligent soul.
I spend about 2-3 minutes a night doing this, it has helped me but its only been about a month or so since I took on this practice but I am confident in the long term it will definitely show its results.
Don’t ever believe you cannot love yourself and that it is selfish to do so as its not its what we need to do we can’t truly give love externally unless we give It internally
How do we cultivate self love?, where does it come from? And how do I give love and receive love?
Here’s an an analogy I came up with that might help.
A tree can’t give shade until it has grown enough to spread out branches and has grown a strong trunk to support those branches, much like love you can’t give it or recieve until you’ve done the very first two things
- Implemented Self love (planting the seed)
- Practice self love (water the tree) and remember these
- Your experiences in life are the seasons a tree must endure to grow
- The constant practice is the watering of a tree to grow
- Your belief system is the trunk of the tree
- The connections you formed within are the branches of a tree
- The love you give is the shade a tree provides.
As it all starts from somewhere and those two small steps are where it all begins then comes the growth, the cultivation through constant practice of self love every day, doesn’t have to be in great quantity just a few minutes a day for example I have my shower before bed and will stand under the hot water telling myself “I LOVE YOU ANDREW YOUR A BEAUTIFUL SOUL” I will repeat it a few times.
Find a method that works for you some may find my approach does some may find other ways, its all about the journey and finding what works for you to cultivate this love from within.
A tree’s shade is provided without condition to us all, as should your love once you’ve cultivated it so much from within you will give it without question without doubt to anyone you cross paths with.
I see it often and have done it myself because of a bad experience, we’ve either been.
- Heart broken etc
And what happens when we experience this is it can instantly turn our way of thinking/belief system into a negative state and you quite often hear or say these remarks.
- That will be the last time I help someone , I’m never going to care again or
- I’m never going to love again
- Everyone’s the same
- I’m not allowing anyone to get close to me etc
I can tell you right now from what life has recently taught me, that when you stop caring or loving or trusting because of one or a few bad experiences you are
- Surrendering your power to the people that did wrong
- Your giving power to those that did you wrong
- Not doing anything to help you
- Suppressing the feelings
- Passing blame to someone else for something you have entire ownership over
Because everything you have is within you and you have ownership of everything inside you, noone can be to blame for you losing that or stopping that
Because you have
- Love in you
- Trust in you
Noone can take these or prevent you from always using them, you just have to exercise forgiveness for your sake and not theirs rather than blame blame blame them for you not wanting to be a caring, loving or kind person anymore.
Is it measured in dollars and cents
Is it measured in social media followers?
Is it measured in how you make others happy?
Is it measured by the way you see the world?
Is it measured by how many pairs of shoes or hats you own?
Your happiness is truly measured by whatever means that makes you happy with loving kindness and compassion.
We seem to be caught up in social media frenzies often doing what we think makes us happy because we see how happy it makes someone else, just remember the only reflection to live through is yours.
I believe peer pressure and succumbing to it can play a big part of it even being a people pleaser or approval addict too has us living a false sense of happiness as we feel if we make work to keep the other person happy that it will aid in our happiness, it’s all on your intentions at the end of the day.
- we can make people happy with the intent of wanting to impact lives positively which gives us fulfilment OR
- We can go out of our way to simply please them make them happy as to avoid confrontation or because your to afraid to not upset them so their happiness = your happiness essentially
just remember this your happiness is measured
- BY YOU
- FOR YOU
Don’t fear being the rainbow on a grey day or the loud amongst the quiet or the individual amongst the pack
Show no fear and create your own measure of happiness