As I sit here on my bedroom floor post meditation and reflect I have started to realise that I have feared opening my heart to just one person, from fear of it being hurt and broken where as I have no issues with opening my heart to a whole bunch of strangers in the streets or real life.

Why is this as I realised that when I open, My heart to complete groups of strangers that I don’t fear being rejected or broken hearted as  they haven’t been given access to that very core of me and because of this I carry no fear.

Of all the women I’ve dated not one has successfully gotten me to open my heart to them, even my closest female friend tried in the early days and failed, it doesnt mean there’s something wrong with me, it just means there hasn’t been that soul I’ve encountered that I feel safe enough with to open my heart and let It be vulnerable.

After all I’ve brought to the surface and been left feeling vulnerable this is by far the biggest eye opener, the positive from this I can take is to work on a path towards letting go and acceptance.

To allow yourself to be vulnerable in such a way and open your heart to feel pain and grow is by far the biggest challenge life will give us and only time will tell how I proceed on this journey



Why because it takes more courage to say what we truly feel from the heart than it does to speak with our emotions or pre thought out logic.

Often when you speak from the heart the words flow because you feel and know the words you are speaking come directly from the heart so theres no need to to analyze or plan what to say.

When we speak with emotions we often have our words misconstrued or we are often trying to force something out thats not there much like   “the sunlight trying to force its way through the clouds after a storm instead it waits for the clouds to pass to shine again”

Words from the heart are always powerful, they can empower a person, shock a person and challenge their thinking but Its the most courageous act one can do.

 I spoke from the heart tonight

Going back a couple of years ago I met a woman, she was going through a fragile stage, but we kept dating, she managed to find her way into my heart and I dont know how and in a very short time, we parted ways a few months into it as she was entering a rough phase of her life, when we parted ways I never realised the impact she had on my heart, it was massive in a good way, I always have held her close to my heart and never felt any anger towards her.

Tonight I spoke from the heart and told her the place she has cemented in it and how I feel, I wasn’t doing this with hope or expectation of sparking something between us again but because I wanted to speak from my heart for once and exercise courage and I did.

You will know when to speak from the heart as the words flow and the feeling afterwards is peace.

Cultivating self love

How do we cultivate self love?, where does it come from? And how do I give love and receive love?

Here’s an an analogy I came up with that might help.

A tree can’t give shade until it has grown enough to spread out branches and has grown a strong trunk to support those branches, much like love you can’t give it or recieve until you’ve  done the very first two things 

  • Implemented Self love (planting the seed)
  •  Practice self love (water the tree)  and remember these
  • Your experiences in life are the seasons a tree must endure to grow
  • The constant practice is the watering of a tree to grow
  • Your belief system is the trunk of the tree
  • The connections you formed within are the branches of a tree
  • The love you give is the shade a tree provides.

As it all starts from somewhere and those two small steps are where it all begins then comes the growth, the cultivation through constant practice of self love every day, doesn’t have to be in great quantity just a few minutes a day for example I have my shower before bed and will stand under the hot water telling myself “I LOVE YOU ANDREW YOUR A BEAUTIFUL SOUL” I will repeat it a few times.

Find a method that works for you some may find my approach does some may find other ways, its all about the journey and finding what works for you to cultivate this love from within.

A tree’s shade is provided without condition to us all, as should your love once you’ve cultivated it so much from within you will give it without question without doubt to anyone you cross paths with.

Can I become undateable lol

A question has been playing on my mind on and off for a few days now, can I become undateable not so much in the negative context, but in such a way where I enjoy my life, independence, routines and path I’m taking that I become an undateable person.

I’ve always carried a degree of self discipline about me especially when it comes to achieving something especially in regards to my mental and physical health, a lot of my daily life plays a big part in who I am, my meditation, the gym, work and being a dad.

I used to compromise myself for anyone that crossed my path, sacrificed my routine and whatever other pursuits I had in mind, I now find myself after being out of the dating scene and single that I dont wish to compromise myself in regards to my path, I do know that a true relationship is not built on comprise but rather complimenting each other.

I guess time will tell when she passes into my life and compliments me as I do her on life’s journey.


Andrew. P

Need of love?

Why are we in need of love????

If your searching for love out there, how true is the love inside you? Are you fearing loving yourself?? That you feel the need to seek love from an outside source in order to feel truly loved ?

If you are seeking and in need of love from an outside source, then perhaps you don’t truly love yourself  or are comfortable with the idea of loving YOU, there’s more than likely a root cause as to why you do and don’t this, which caused you to believe you are not worthy of your own love, so you fear what it would feel like or to do.

So you seek comfort in taking love from others suppressing the fear to love yourself truly and unconditionally.

I quite fondly remember doing similar, because I couldn’t see the value in myself and believe I was truly worthy of loving myself as it may be deemed selfish and non approving from the the people around me, but I realised that I had to love myself within accept myself within in order to know what true love is.

Love, compassion and kindness all starts within YOU and when you start to learn to give it within you and accept it knowing you truly deserve your own love, life will give you the love without even you knowing or needing to figure it out as you are love.

Learn to love within when you are without and love will find you.

Andrew. P


As I scroll through the news feeds on Facebook I notice a trend and its that of

“Tarring with the same brush” mentality and its not just towards a particular religion but in general we stereotype people because of their behaviour and a misrepresentation of them by a minority. As the dalai lama once said 

Just like anyone we have our own story and our own minority that misrepresents us but that doesnt mean we tar the innocent with the same brush.

It saddens me when I see this happening as I was raised a Muslim and I know in my heart from my experiences they are as humane compassionate and loving as any other religion.

My Muslim name I was given at birth was

Eddi nur  with nur meaning

Meaning of Nur

Nur is a name for both boys and girls and means light (the opposite of darkness), radiant (something that gives off light on its own, such as a star), light (as in ‘ray of light’), and it is one of the 99 Attributes of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala).
Now to most of my friends they see me as an Aussie born down under but for me its much more that Muslim culture is a part of me I know in my heart that Islam is not represented by terrorists.

As much as I want to vent my frustrations I will say though YOU CANNOT HAVE DOUBLE STANDARDS TO ACCEPTANCE OR LOVING KINDESS

In essence you are double standarding yourself as you project that to the rest of the world 

10% doesn’t represent 100% 

Be true to yourselves and be true to the world as remember we all have our story and words can be powerfully damaging or powerfully energizing.

Peace love light

Andy. P