What If we could anticipate another human beings behavior and control our reactions to it, knowing that if they react that way, we could provide the best response for us in order to remain calm, empathetic and understanding to both their situations and ours?
I was recently watching a Tony Robbins video when he brought up the topic of Anticipation and how it can be the key to both having a successful business and life as well, if we could anticipate our reactions to another persons say typical behavior we could work to improve our reactions.
Let’s take a quick look at the definition for Anticipation
1a : a prior action that takes into account or forestalls a later action
- hired more security guards in anticipation of a large crowd
b : the act of looking forward;
Some of the most typical behaviors in today’s world from my perspective are but not limited to Criticism and Judgement, they seem to stand out in today’s age of digital communication but still we even including myself don’t anticipate this as a key human behavior and we still end up responding to these actions in a very negative way.
Judgement and Criticism can be taken very personal by some of us especially if we are highly insecure and vulnerable people, criticism and usually come from those whom have a misunderstanding of you and rather than question you they turn to the most common reaction and that’s judgement and Criticism or sometimes but usually both at the same time.
In my spare time this morning I decided to put together a list of what I deem things I would most anticipate out of humans I encounter then I thought about how I can control my reactions to them and put a method to the madness so to speak.
|PEOPLE ARE GOING TO CRITICIZE YOU
||Question their Criticism ask them why they feel that way towards you or approach to life act in an empathetic manner, also know that some who criticise you will not know you personally so don’t take it too heart.
|PEOPLE ARE GOING TO USE YOU
||Accept it’s a reflection of who they are and not you, don’t compromise yourself also act with a degree of empathy as you don’t know their story.
|PEOPLE WILL JUDGE YOU
||If possible question their judgement of you to find out why they feel that way and if not accept it’s a reflection of them and not you be empathetic in both approaches as they may not understand you as you don’t them
|PEOPLE WILL FEEL THREATENED BY YOU
||Don’t take it personal, know they have their reasons and it’s pointless in getting upset at them.
|YOU WILL FEEL LONELY AT TIMES
||Accept what is and just enjoy the time to yourself don’t try to force yourself into being pointlessly busy if so what something that’s fulfilling to pass the time
|YOU WILL FAIL
||Accept its apart of the journey, learn from your failures and embrace them rather than neglect them.
|YOU WILL FEEL FRUSTATED AT TIMES
||Find a way to vent them, confide in a close friend over your frustrations, don’t clutch onto them as they will boil over.
©Copyright Andrew Geoffrey Pickering 23/01/2018
This is just an excerpt of the full list I came up with during my session, the actual list is 2 pages long and more in depth, I’ m hoping I can take something from this and improve my personal growth in some way shape or form, hence I shared it with the world in hope it may help just one person.
How often do you get down, emotional, anxious, depressed and so on?
You often try to force your way out of the situation with distraction or similar?
I think anyone with a mental health issue has often tried to do that forcing ourselves to be happy or calm when we were are anxious ridden or depressed.
Its fine for our mental health to visit us especially the dark sides of it as without dark we have no light.
MAKING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH A BEST FRIEND
Ask yourself when a best friend visits do you force them out the door or walk away from them? Ignore them? Probably not as your a social being, so you greet them in whatever way you do and spend time with them giving them all your attention for the time your with them?
Why not try that with your mental health issues when they arise, like if your anxiety arises give it a name be it male or female or something that makes you laugh, spend time with it, hang out with it give it attention it deserves much like your human best friend and then part ways with it until another day.
We have to treat our mental health with love and compassion the more we neglect it the more it arises.
Just sitting here reflecting and its amazing how far I have come in a year a year ago I was
- Chasing empty relationships
- Fearing loneliness
- Negatively thinking
- Trying to connect with others rather than myself.
- Living in the past and future
- Blaming others for my behavior
A year later I am
- Seeing life in a different way
- Discovering myself and my purpose
- Understanding another’s pain
- Enjoying my own company
- Not fearing loneliness but rather embracing it as a sign of the universe
- Living presently
- Taking more ownership for my actions, feelings and emotions.
- More patient
I believe I haven’t changed or improved just evolved past the behaviors I was once conditioned with, I feel I am more mindful of my feelings, I have unlocked and resurfaced old suppressed behaviors and learning to grow through them and take ownership.
We can grow theres no limitation to how much our mind can grow, we can build and rewire new and old connections, unlock parts of our brain that lay dormant since birth, it takes a click a want and patience.
I recently read a post that has just activated something so deep in me that I felt the need to share as I never shared it with anyone not even my psychologist
I’ve been on a journey with depression and anxiety and around mid last year I took a short trip out of town to visit a new friend.
Things went a little south and I didn’t have my comfort to retreat to the gym or work to help me get through this, I was reaching out to friends via social media, but wasn’t being completely honest about my thoughts aside the fact I was going through a dark patch.
Within this dark patch a long way from home I was contemplating suicide I knew and saw a bridge in town and kept thinking how easy it would’ve been just to end this darkness and jump off it.
It felt like a lonely place I was in and no matter what I did, I just wanted to cry or end the darkness I was in as I couldn’t see light and all I kept thinking about was perhaps jumping off that bridge would end it all.
I’m glad that day I had a resilient part of me activated even though I was dominated by utter darkness and to the friend on social media who listened to me I would like to thank you even though I cannot remember who you are, but your chatter kept me from doing something I was believing I should’ve done.
Your not alone in this world
The world maybe dark but know there will be light
Contemplation of suicide is a strong feeling and is often where it all begins to end or ends to begin
DON’T FEEL YOU CAN’T TALK ABOUT IT
Self improvement is a myth
You don’t need improving
You are beautiful and strong as you are
You will grow and evolve but at no time will you need to be improved nothing can replace you the soul you are
Your soul is pure and infinite
I cannot preach this enough as its so integral to rebuilding our mental health when we first realise we have a problem, everyone fears the medication.
- Learn about your medication like I did so you know what it does
- don’t stress about the side effects as only one or two may happen
- Know that if it doesnt work for you that your GP can help find a suitable one
- Know that the medication helps restore the chemical imbalances in our brain thats contributing to our mental health state.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY
Stop worrying about what everyone is going to think stop worrying about what your family is going to think
Its not about them its about you doing what is right for you and your son
And if they don’t understand thats fine noone does who hasn’t experienced it
Stop putting shame on yourself for having mental health issues and coming forward to fix it the only person that is going to think your crazy is you as thats the thought and belief you ultimately create in your head noone else not your family not your friends not me just you.
You have full ownership of your thoughts and beliefs having depression and anxiety isn’t going crazy, its called having a life experience which has changed the way our brain works and what the medication does is help play an integral part in reorganising that.
So stop worrying about what anyone else is going to say.
I was talking to a friend about her emotions when I came up with this acronym for helping her to work though them
I called it FALL and i believe it relates to the way we could handle our emotions as most the time they are passing visitor’s who eventually return at some time in our life.